i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
