I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
