I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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