is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
