Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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