I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
