i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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