fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
