There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
