He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
