Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
