Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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