you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
