Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
