Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
