Already got asked if we're dating
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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