wrigley field is MILF paradise
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
