this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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