dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
