I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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