I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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