She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The best revenge is premature balding
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Where are you guys?
Drunk
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
