I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
