I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
