Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
