Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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