Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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