Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
