Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
