I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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