Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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