How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
