Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
