she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
