Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
