They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
