Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
