I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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