Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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