i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently you make a good broom.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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