i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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