Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
