I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
