a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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