just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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