I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
