i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
