Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
