Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Randomize
