Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
