I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
