you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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