i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
