my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
