New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
