If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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