Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
