So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
