thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
