Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
