I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
